Punitive Conversation

Occasionally, in the course of conducting something roughly approximating everyday life, you are forced to interact with other people. This unfortunate necessity is responsible for most of the major maladies afflicting mankind today, such as ulcers, psychoses, and used car salesmen. But once in a blue moon (a quaint colloquialism which translates as: "Just one day before you were planning on constructing a giant catapult and using it to fling livestock parts at your neighbor's house out of sheer stress-induced spite."), the random acts of humanity which surround you on a daily basis will surprise you by actually being humorous. Take for instance this small sampling of a list I have compiled over recent years of random, out-of-context quotes which have been culled from various conversations in which I have participated:

"Oh, quack, quack, quack!"

"Hey! That looks like some of the carpet we used to have in our living room!
But, Mama, that's a 'possum!"

"It really don't sound like a lot when you break it down in terms of chickens."

"That boy's runnin' like a monkey on crack."

"Oh, er...yeah...vampire...that's what I meant."


"Mine had a big bone in it!"

"Well, let's see you do that with your arm on fire!"

"Buffalo snot on the window... *chuckle* That was a good Christmas."

"I already told you: You need to shoot the pimp before you drink the malt liquor."

"That ostrich tried to attack us! Let's go back and see if he does it again!"

"I don't care what the leprechaun said: The attic is not a good place to store corpses."

"That Christmas tree 'bout kicked his ass!"

"Damned potato!"

And, in the spirit of leaving you with some food for thought:

"Now just what the hell does a duck smell like, anyway?"