All Quiet In The Left Hemisphere

Today's Track: They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haa!--Napolean XIV

Sometimes I wonder.
For all of our generations of speculation about things like evolution, cosmology, theology, and the true nature of rock and roll, sometimes I really do wonder whether or not man was truly cut out for the deeper issues of life.
Out of respect for issues long--and rightly--laid to rest, I won't bring up such threadbare object lessons in idiocy as the 2000 US Presidential election, P.E.T.A.'s apparent inability to come to terms with the concept of a food chain, the public education system (Motto: "Shaping the minds of the daytime talk show guests of tomorrow"), or former life-sized Executive action-figure Danforth Quayle.
No, while those are good examples, there are simpler and much more obvious ones.
Just this afternoon, I spent no fewer than two hours discussing the local lottery with a gentleman who, in deference to the fact that he happens to be closely related to me, I shall not identify. For the benefit of those of you who, like myself, have absolutely no desire to hear a two-hour dialogue on the subject of state-sanctioned confidence artistry, I will summarize:

• The lottery is not a waste of money because:
  
  
  
  • you're not really losing any money if you stand to make a big payoff, and
    
  • it's only five dollars a week, so you're really not sacrificing anything;
  
  
  
• "Besides, if I win, you'll feel pretty stupid."

What can you say to that?
Obviously, my carefully crafted mathematical arguments fell far short of the mark, and my systematic appeals to logic earned me a good solid round of relatively mean-spirited laughter. Of course, this is from the same man who believes Pat Buchanan is a liberal...

If you can't beat 'em, hide.